Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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