i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize