Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
