her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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