if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
