did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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