he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
