i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
