Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
