dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize