Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
