Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
