how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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