Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
