Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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