is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize