Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
