I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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