I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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