in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I supernannyed him into submission
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your penis caused this!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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