the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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