I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So vagazzling was a success
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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