I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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