U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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