Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
