I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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