if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
