I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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