Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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