i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
