I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
