those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
