carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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