My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize