My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
