So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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