All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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