you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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