Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
