I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't turn off my feet"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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