"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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