I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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