i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
