i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
