I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
