I didn't shave. On purpose
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
