Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
