you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
