Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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