dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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