I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize