she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize