When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My penis needs a shock collar
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
