Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
