Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
