so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
