i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
