So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
