I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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