All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize