I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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