My Higher Power is John Stamos
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
