Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
