Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
