so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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