well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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