Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
