a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
