I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
